"Without Inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, they is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks." - Johann Gottfried Von Herder

And the curtain has finally drawn on Antigone. Four months of intense work for this one night and away with it I come out with a deeper understanding of my craft and with some new friends. As much as I love acting, what many people don't realize is how emotionally draining the process is. It was a struggle to establish my connection with the piece and I am ever grateful to the cast and director on helping me with through it. I thank all those who were able to make it out the show.

Well, as I now have this time of rest before the next journey as an actor at least I can spend it things that I've been neglecting for the past few months like see old friends, go out shooting or better yet... finally complete my trip video...

Now, to just deflate for the month, "default" and connect with my inspiration once again...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

No Track of the Day, but rather a good video my friend Janet made. A Visual Expressions piece she made a few weeks ago with stills I shot around the house. Janet did an amazing job with the video and with our makeup.

Visual Expressions Clip

"The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it." - Vince Lombardi

Tonight, I saw good friends I haven't seen in a long time; friends I haven't seen since striving to reinvent myself at the beginning of this year. As some of these friends were of the old party scene they brought up the inevitable question of what event I'm going to next. Apparently, news of the retirement had not gone out to everybody. I told those who hadn't known that it was just a time for me to move on past it and take care of other things. Well, they wouldn't be my friends if they didn't have any insight...

They all stopped and one of them had asked, "Don't you feel like you're running away from things by closing off a big part of yourself in this way?" I made it back here at home, still thinking about that question. I started wonder if he was right. I never went to the events for the sake of the event but rather it was for those few times out of the year I get to spend with friends who fly across from all over and share our common musical passions with. That feeling of being lost in the music along with thousands of others with our hearts thumping in sync to the beat; looking at the faces of others and sharing what we were experiencing without even speaking to each other; yeah, that's what did it for me.

That feeling was lightly sparked when I went to New York even though I didn't recognize it then. But being here with my friends who have always been there, hearing the music that has moved me for so long...how could I turn away from this? I talked to my actor friends, those on the outside who had never gone to an event with me and even they said, "This is who you are. Don't turn your back on it." You know what?

They're right.

If I am to fully exist I will follow through with every single one of the passions I carry. The pain that I had associated with it, is only an obstacle. If I quit, then it means heartbreak has won. Dammit, I WILL NOT let it take me down. I live my life right here, right now not just for myself but for my friends who ARE here for me NOW. How have I forgotten the original reasons that brought me to the music?

So, with that I make my decision now that I am going to EDC!!!

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day:

Sia - You've Changed

"Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path." - Unknown

I'm both saddened and amazed at the amount of racism that I still see around in this day.  News about Rima Fakih's win as the first Arab-American (in recent memory) to win the title of Miss USA brought about some of the worst comments I've read on various blogs about how PC the pageant has become and how her win was manifested by bedding of Hezbollah and liberal elite.  I really don't watch pageants and am unfamiliar with the judging criteria but the woman is gorgeous and I'd like to think that she won mainly because of that.  But to see such ass-backwards, close-minded opinions become strong enough to permeate wall up a public forum leaves me dumbfounded. This hits closer to home since it's a reflection of how much progress needs to be made for Asian-American performing artists to gain equal footing in an increasingly polarized nation.

People who have met me, especially in the last few months, may find me to be some sort of Asian-American closet activist from proudly wearing my Blacklava and RaceBending.com shirts, attending and participating in AA media events, to gaining significantly more AAs into my circles of friends.  All from a person who just as of late last year was only heard of embarking on fairly neutral interests and thoughts.  The only things that brought me close to my traditional Asian side were my broken Taiwanese and knowledge of great places to eat in Monterey Park and Rowland Heights.  To be honest, matters of race have never really stirred me up until I pressed upon acting as a profession recently.

Growing up entirely in the San Fernando Valley, a suburb north of Los Angeles, I was of a few (if not only) Asian faces in my elementary classes in the 80's.  However, those same classes had not only African-American or white kids but those that were Persian, Armenian and East Indian.  Each of these kids played with me no different than any other and I was fortunate not be conscious of any exclusion if there was any.  My circle of friends today are just as mixed of varying races.  I've dated more non-Asian women than Asian women and could never relate to common complaint listed by the majority of Asian men as being shunned by other races so often.  Of all this, I am very fortunate and I grew up with a blind eye to the heartbreak of prejudice.

My decision began to embark on acting came shortly high school when, figuring what to do with the rest of my life, I decided to take an acting class at a community college.  At the recommendation, of my (white) acting teachers I was suggested to begin auditioning for school and community plays.  Even then, my luck continued as I was cast with little regard to my race.  I've taken significant and sometimes lead roles in casts where I was the sole minority at times.  As I also have found this to be my calling at this time, I decided to push head first into making this a career.

It took many years to finally take my craft into professional territory, but doing so I finally have hit upon the lack of opportunities my predecessors had to face.  Most castings notices that I come across for male Asian actors are for small "throwaway" roles like bellboys, shopkeepers, computer scientists.  Fortunately, I have had better fare with the auditions my agent has been sending me out for which have been more for unspecified-ethnic roles but I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind whether or not producers can only be much more lenient with casting as these are smaller profile projects.  Friends comes back with stories about how they were asked to by casting directors to redo auditions with an "Asian" (read: FOB) accent even though a role was written with a neutrality.  Even my first credited project was as a "Triad-type martial artist" and I fully realize that I may already be setting myself up to be typecast as a martial arts hero/villain/henchman or stunts-only type.  Already all of this while I am just only beginning to break the surface!  Who knows how many more stories like this I will have to tell once I move further along.

My inspirations in acting can be attributed to the likes of Gary Oldman, Brian Cox, Kevin Spacey and Tim Roth.  I do have Asian favorites such as Tony Leung and Beat Takeshi, but notice how I had to turn to international cinema to find such heroes?  I have no true relation to those I see on film and on television except for the occasional spark of hope granted by Daniel Dae Kim, Justin Lin, Sung Kang, etc.  But I am left only to aspire in joining with my professional peers to being trailblazers in shaking up the media demographic. We have a collective dream that has yet to realized in history. This fact that no true Asian-American star exists adds even further pressure to be successful.

All of a sudden as an Asian-American, the goal of fame and success has become to be the only true way of receiving validation which as an artist is the very same thing that brings detriment. I don't want to do that. It is a goal based on luck with no promise of fulfillment. Many near and dear to me use celebrity as a motivator and I've watched them lose their souls while developing a poisonous narcissism. But every work I do, no matter how insignificant, now carries this pressure that it is not just for myself anymore but also for our struggling community. For it is the advancement of this very community that can only bring all of us future, richer opportunities in today's world.

Who knows where I will end up.  Like many before me, with me and perhaps even after me we have no choice but to keep fighting...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there...  =o)

Track of the Day:

Justice -  Waters of Nazareth (Original Mix)

Well, it's a small credit but I'm finally on there. Now let's just hope that it will only grow from here. There's another project through EPIC in the pipeline that is in negotiations right now. If things follow though, I'll have some great news to report and a second credit to add in the next few months!

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day:

Super Junior - Don't Don

"To me an audition is 30 crazed people in a room waiting to be axed." - Kathie Lee Gifford


So, I had just come back from an audition in Hollywood.  The call was for a "Dad" type which immediately drew a red flag for me.  The fact it was for an ad for a very well known cabinet company (read: directed at homeowners and people 10-20 years older than me) should have been my second.  But I did my homework and went to the company's website and spotted their existing ads.  Yep, older people dressed up in button up Oxfords and sweaters.  I thought that at least I could get by on dress.

And to the audition and through the hallways into the studio I went passing by larger than life headshots of celebrities taken when they were in the same halls long before I.  It's a reminder to myself that all of us started in the same place.  At the end of it, a large photography studio about twice the size of a basketball court set up for a photo shoot and against its corner ten other actors.  Ten other men, mostly older than me (as expected), leaning up the wall each hoping to be the one to represent this year's fine line of cabinets.  But what really got to me was that each of these other people were just in T-shirts, jeans and miscellaneous clothing.  Not all of them looked like dads but whatever the case they looked like themselves.  Bachelors, party-goers, they were just who they were.  And here I was in my button-up Oxford and V-Neck sweater looking not like someone in a Banana Republic ad but rather someone trying to be in a Banana Republic ad.  The photographer had taken some shots of me and had me role play with a cooking spoon as if I had just completed a delicious meal in front of my wonderful new cabinetry.

Yeah, I'll consider this one a pass...

In contrast to all this, I was submitted for a Japanese music video which sought for "Japanese or mixed Asian 18 and older to look younger"  Knowing how much younger than my age I look and hearing from other Asians about how mixed I look I thought I would fare much better here.  However, the submission also required indicating an actual birth year to which I fired off with a slight hesitation.  I did get a response from casting...

"Please confirm the birth year, your submission currently indicates you're 30."

"The birth year is correct"

"Sorry, we won't be able to use your submission.  You do look much younger than your age but we can't use you..."

Well, the fact that I even got a response showed that I was at least in the range of what they were looking for at some point.  If I was even a bit wrong for the part, I would've been dismissed entirely without even receiving a response.  But c'mon people we're all about illusions in this business.  I'm being passed for roles my age because I look too young and that I totally understand (though if I'm having to audition for something on Teen Disney when I hit my mid-thirties, I'm going to be a little irked.).  But if I'm being passed on roles I "look" appropriate for because of my actual age then I still can't help but feel a little frustrated.

It's said in some circles that you book a ballpark figure of one job out of every hundred auditions you do.  Well, I've seen many friends fare with a much better ratio even when they are starting out but if that figure holds true then I still have about 95 more auditions to through before landing something.  Then again if I'm counting also stunt work Epic has booked so far then I have about 290 more auditions before landing the next project!  =oÞ

Of course, I too am hoping to fare with a better ratio but it was relieving to hear to just about everybody lucky enough to make a career out of this has had to go through the process.  The following was taken from Sung Kang's latest entry from YOMYOMF

"Then it was non stop auditions for about a year. Sometimes three a day. But never booked a single job. My self esteem started to waiver. What the heck!? Not even one. I decided to take as many classes on commercial acting as possible. I was going to beat this bad streak. I must of spent at least three grand on the workshops."

The blog doesn't have the pleasing end with the job he would eventually land but those of us lucky enough see him in Better Luck Tomorrow, Fast and the Furious, Live Free or Die Hard, Ninja Assassin, etc...know that he ended up doing pretty well for himself.

And with that I just continue to motivate myself further and think "Stay the course"

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day:

Oh No - African Chant (Original Mix)