"Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path." - Unknown

I'm both saddened and amazed at the amount of racism that I still see around in this day.  News about Rima Fakih's win as the first Arab-American (in recent memory) to win the title of Miss USA brought about some of the worst comments I've read on various blogs about how PC the pageant has become and how her win was manifested by bedding of Hezbollah and liberal elite.  I really don't watch pageants and am unfamiliar with the judging criteria but the woman is gorgeous and I'd like to think that she won mainly because of that.  But to see such ass-backwards, close-minded opinions become strong enough to permeate wall up a public forum leaves me dumbfounded. This hits closer to home since it's a reflection of how much progress needs to be made for Asian-American performing artists to gain equal footing in an increasingly polarized nation.

People who have met me, especially in the last few months, may find me to be some sort of Asian-American closet activist from proudly wearing my Blacklava and RaceBending.com shirts, attending and participating in AA media events, to gaining significantly more AAs into my circles of friends.  All from a person who just as of late last year was only heard of embarking on fairly neutral interests and thoughts.  The only things that brought me close to my traditional Asian side were my broken Taiwanese and knowledge of great places to eat in Monterey Park and Rowland Heights.  To be honest, matters of race have never really stirred me up until I pressed upon acting as a profession recently.

Growing up entirely in the San Fernando Valley, a suburb north of Los Angeles, I was of a few (if not only) Asian faces in my elementary classes in the 80's.  However, those same classes had not only African-American or white kids but those that were Persian, Armenian and East Indian.  Each of these kids played with me no different than any other and I was fortunate not be conscious of any exclusion if there was any.  My circle of friends today are just as mixed of varying races.  I've dated more non-Asian women than Asian women and could never relate to common complaint listed by the majority of Asian men as being shunned by other races so often.  Of all this, I am very fortunate and I grew up with a blind eye to the heartbreak of prejudice.

My decision began to embark on acting came shortly high school when, figuring what to do with the rest of my life, I decided to take an acting class at a community college.  At the recommendation, of my (white) acting teachers I was suggested to begin auditioning for school and community plays.  Even then, my luck continued as I was cast with little regard to my race.  I've taken significant and sometimes lead roles in casts where I was the sole minority at times.  As I also have found this to be my calling at this time, I decided to push head first into making this a career.

It took many years to finally take my craft into professional territory, but doing so I finally have hit upon the lack of opportunities my predecessors had to face.  Most castings notices that I come across for male Asian actors are for small "throwaway" roles like bellboys, shopkeepers, computer scientists.  Fortunately, I have had better fare with the auditions my agent has been sending me out for which have been more for unspecified-ethnic roles but I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind whether or not producers can only be much more lenient with casting as these are smaller profile projects.  Friends comes back with stories about how they were asked to by casting directors to redo auditions with an "Asian" (read: FOB) accent even though a role was written with a neutrality.  Even my first credited project was as a "Triad-type martial artist" and I fully realize that I may already be setting myself up to be typecast as a martial arts hero/villain/henchman or stunts-only type.  Already all of this while I am just only beginning to break the surface!  Who knows how many more stories like this I will have to tell once I move further along.

My inspirations in acting can be attributed to the likes of Gary Oldman, Brian Cox, Kevin Spacey and Tim Roth.  I do have Asian favorites such as Tony Leung and Beat Takeshi, but notice how I had to turn to international cinema to find such heroes?  I have no true relation to those I see on film and on television except for the occasional spark of hope granted by Daniel Dae Kim, Justin Lin, Sung Kang, etc.  But I am left only to aspire in joining with my professional peers to being trailblazers in shaking up the media demographic. We have a collective dream that has yet to realized in history. This fact that no true Asian-American star exists adds even further pressure to be successful.

All of a sudden as an Asian-American, the goal of fame and success has become to be the only true way of receiving validation which as an artist is the very same thing that brings detriment. I don't want to do that. It is a goal based on luck with no promise of fulfillment. Many near and dear to me use celebrity as a motivator and I've watched them lose their souls while developing a poisonous narcissism. But every work I do, no matter how insignificant, now carries this pressure that it is not just for myself anymore but also for our struggling community. For it is the advancement of this very community that can only bring all of us future, richer opportunities in today's world.

Who knows where I will end up.  Like many before me, with me and perhaps even after me we have no choice but to keep fighting...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there...  =o)

Track of the Day:

Justice -  Waters of Nazareth (Original Mix)

“To be a star, yes, you have to have talent, and my God, do you ever have to be lucky, but riding alongside is this: desire. One so consuming that you are willing to piss away everything else in life. Stars have no friends, they have business acquaintances and serfs. They can only fake love on screen."

William Goldman - Oscar-winning screenwriter (All The President’s Men, Misery)

This was a quote of a quote taken from an article published on an Asian-American entertainment blog I follow regarding on what is truly needed for an Asian-American to push through and become a star.

Every one of us has played around with the daydreams of what success and fame could bring. Immense wealth. Exalted status. Validation. However, it is easy to forget what must be sacrificed when achieving such a status. Famous people are some of the loneliest people I know. The newfound uncertainty of whether people are giving you friendship and love over your persona rather than your true being is isolating and disruptive to a true peace one's soul could crave over a lifetime. Higher expectations are placed on you and your work and every bit of your being becomes scrutinized. Even certain individuals will begin to attack someone just for the sole fact that they are popular. Worse yet is that all of this burden increases exponentially with the exposure.

But Phil does bring up some good points in the piece that I've been conflicted about for a long time. My goal as an actor in not to be rich and famous. I've always thought of those to be fortunate byproducts of the real reward which is the experience of contributing to a work that moves you. Gratification of being used a tool to give life to a story which may move or inspire audiences and get them to see things outside of their own box. Fame for me cannot replace the sole adoration from a girlfriend or wife. Money itself does not make your problems go away but bring new ones. But at the same time, I do want to be recognized for my efforts. Shamelessly, I have an ego that needs placated and while I do my best to keep that in check, I also depend on the responses of others to validate the struggles I put myself through.

Phil's call is one of near-crisis. The lack of a proper Asian-American star lends to a vacuum of representation so great that it ever fortifies the notions of non Asian Americans that we can't act and deserve to be treated like everyone else. At the same time, I do feel that my best chances of taking on truly fulfilling work will not come unless I "sell my soul" and reach the upper echelons of that tough Hollywood ladder. 'Tis a fine line I walk. And despite all of this, I can't see myself doing any other type of career. I don't want to do anything else. It's tough being a Libra.


To end this post, I offer three more quotes fortifying the resolve in my pursuit of artistic and financial success.

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." - Elaine Maxwell

"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success." - Norman Vincent Peale

"And all I ask is one thing and this is...I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch, please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. Amazing things will happen." - Conan O'Brien