"Every true New Yorker believes with all his heart that when a New Yorker is tired of New York, he is tired of life." - Robert Moses

I have been up for nearly the past thirty hours....  I'm half awake, dreading work tomorrow but I have the biggest smile on my face.  There's no way that I can effective post everything about how much fun and incredible Manhattan was.... so with the remainder of my strength I offer these blurbs....

- The sensory overload given by the scope of the city
- The sweet smell of honey roasted nuts sold by the vendors at every corner
- The labyrinthine tunnels of NY Penn Station
- Romantic's view of the city is very accurate as to how it really is
- Don't expect to see any blue sky unless you look STRAIGHT up!
- Weather was perfect.  Chilly in the morning and warm in the afternoon.  I didn't need to wear any of the heavy coats I bought just for the trip.
- There is so much life that could be felt in the city.  I lost an entire just touring Central Park and seeing all the different types of people that went through it.
- ...and Central Park is RIDICULOUSLY HUGE
- I loved talking to the different vendors who were surprisingly very helpful.
- I missed out on the activities I planned to do, instead getting "lost" in the city and taking in its people
- I learned immediately how to walk and cross streets like a resident New Yorker
- Flash Mob Pillow Fight in Union Square!!!!
- People there are gorgeous and look like they coming out an magazine ad just walking the street
- Retreading the same damn loop multiple times in front of my hotel with Juan because we kept missing the exit
- Both Chinatown and Little Italy are very small.  One ends and the other begins on the same tiny block!
- New Yorkers are actually very friendly (and very flirty =o) ) despite their reputation for being the opposite.  They're not rude, just very to the point and expect the same in return.
- Walking through Farmer's Market and having a cup of fresh apple cider.
- What a wonderful vibe entering Roseland Ballroom.  We had a long line getting in, but it moved very fast especially considering the type of event.
- Dylan's Candy Bar with Amanda and Felix!!!
- Juan has taught the local guido dance of "Opening the gates of Heaven" and "Closing the gates of Hell"
- Meeting and talking to Menno de Jong and Roger Shah and finding them to be some of the nicest, appreciative, most laid back people I've ever met.
- Hearing Ashley played several times... but it's okay I LOVE that song.
- Armin playing a dark side of trance not heard of in years.  Could that original feeling finally be coming back?
-Watching Filo and Peri do that same dance on stage made ASOT450 even more memorable
- I lost my phone jumping between trains heading back to Jersey and spend more replacing that than I did during my days in the city.
-I still don't plan on ever returning to the party scene but ASOT450 was a damn good way to end things.

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day:

Bart Claessen - Hartsser (Original Mix) - Probably my favorite track that Armin played on night 1

“There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full” - Henry Kissinger


Phew...okay.  Another one of those "too much going on but I need to make an update" updates.  And here we go in 3...2...1...


Acting:

We have just finalized casting for Antigone and our work is definitely cut out for us.  We have had a guest artist from Diavolo and a voice specialist from Cal State Long Beach come to assist us in performance techniques and staging.  Though this is a traditionally classical play, I'm excited by what these abstract elements will bring to the piece.  Oh, and vocal exercises have been great on the abs.  ;)


Stunts:

EPIC Stunts was just picked up for our first project!!!  It's an independent film in the vein of female-themed actioners of the 70's and late 90's.  We're still in the process of signing the contracts and finalizing shooting dates so I'm holding back details until that is set.  And practice starts right when I come back from NY.  YAY pain!


Dance:

Carin has notified me of hip-hop classes being offered through her artisan community/church .  The instructors and alumni have been featured on So You Think You Can Dance.  This will be a great way to continue training as my last class had ended last week.  That end came only too soon as it felt like I was only just beginning to tap into this other creative side of myself that I never knew was there.  From what I've been reading for the group they seem to be very supportive as well as they are passionate so this will indeed be a great direction to take.


Something new?

Introducing my new best friend accompanying me to New York.   For years I had always wanted a video camera to document the many adventures and going's on in my life.


Something random



Taken last night from a shoot with my friend Janet for her theatre piece demonstrating abstract relationships.


See you all when I get back from NY!!!!

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day

Bibio - Sugarette (Original Mix)

“Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first” - Mark Twain

Only nine more days until I head to the Big Apple.  And before it a gauntlet of tasks to be completed before I leave.  I was in a much different place when I had booked my flight at the end of last December.  What came after was an emotional whirlwind which brought me to this current and much different path in life.  Back then I had hoped to share the recent successes with the people in my life at the time and that the bonds I had shared then would have only become stronger coming to this point.  Fate has shaken the snowy, crystal ball and now most of us have gone our separate ways.  Ties have faded or I've had to cut off be cut from (though I hope only temporarily) and we have formed new circles of friends and family to grow within.  It's amazing how after just a few months a view of the world can change.

Originally, this trip was centered around attending Armin van Buuren's first ever A State of Trance anniversary show staged in the United States.  Two years ago, I would have been obsessing over this event.  And while I'm still excited to reunite with friends and will still have fun, I'm not looking forward to those nights so much anymore.  This will be my last "party" after all to seal the retirement of that part of me.  However, I am thrilled to see the city.  To take in the life there that is nothing like here.  It's a feeling I haven't felt since leaving for San Francisco over two years ago.  To experience something so new, something I could only witness in pictures and films but neglecting the smells, touch and taste, something to remind me how big and hopeful the world really is.

I've come across too many people who either believe the world centers around them or create their own fantasy world to be the center of.  Whether it be our always connected culture of social networking or a requirement of jobs like acting we get locked into a mode of self-promotion, constant craving for attention and self-centeredness and place too much weight in it.  I find myself guilty of crossing those lines too at times.  While all of our beings carry a significance, we are but just a part of something much greater.  We lose so much of ourselves to our ambitions and problems that we easily forget about the lives of those around us.  At times, we even forget to regard those in front of us that we spend time with every single day.

We all deserve recognition for the things we work hard for and nothing is wrong at all with self-confidence.  But it just seems to me that as we push self-empowerment more and more, we've begun to be arrogant and place ourselves on too high of pedestals despite our best intentions originally.  I've seen it when I've watched once warm, considerate people turn cocky and without regard before my very eyes and it's such a put off.  How much importance do we put into the intention of wanting to better the lives of those we love?

Being in that new environment reminds me a to obtain a perspective outside of what I deal with.  The world seems so full of promise and possibilities when you begin to notice how many people contribute and share from it.  It can be a sobering reminder that no path one embarks on is set and that all paths have an immense value of enrichment.  I have hope in experiencing that grander level of reciprocity.

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Rebuilding yourself is like learning how to walk all over again. And like auditioning, it doesn't matter how many times you have went through it. It doesn't get any easier.

Experiencing happiness or sorrow in a situation lies in the perception of the person viewing it. Whether by some moral obligation, guilt or just selfishness, a person chooses to let their life affect them they way they do regardless of their consciousness of it. This is a lesson I forgot that I had learned over two years ago. I had let the stresses of my job, the shortcomings, the lack of expected progress with my life affect the relationships of those important to me. I became angry, resentful and distant to those I wanted to be near the most. Clichéd as it sounds, making lemons out of lemonade is a behavior best adhered to at all times and never should be forgotten. Never losing sight of what and who you truly fight for was the lesson I needed to learn.

Rebuilding my life in the last few months also included the restructuring of my finances. Living in the new place, and exercising a more discriminating eye on my wallet, I've lowered my cloud of debt by half so far, began to rebuild my savings and the money once set aside for a ring and a dream that now isn't to be can now be used again to set myself free even further. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get enough from the sales of my collection to be set free from a chain holding me back for nearly a decade now. Now, it's time to really see the road ahead of me for what it is.

Where does the road take me now? I'm not sure exactly but I want to go away somewhere far. Some place that does not seem anything like here. And it must be lively, I'm not ready to be visiting any places that are serene with the calamity going on in my mind. Will I go back to Japan, to Hong Kong, or even Spain? I'm feeling that spirit that made me want to close my eyes and make that mission to the islands two years go. But even as it has been some time, I have to remember I am no longer am dreaming for two now. That moment is in the past now. That future no longer exists. The reality is that I have only myself to answer to now. I can still live the dreams and carry out the adventures in my heart, I just have to do it alone for now and save the sharing of those experiences for a later date.

One of the greatest quotes for me to relate to right now. "I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more."

I AM SO SICK OF BEING SAD. I AM TIRED OF BEING DEPRESSED. Am I still affected by this...YES. Are the feelings still there for her...YES. Am I going to let an incident like this affect me...NO. So, I've decided. I'm going to Ibiza by myself. Within the electronic dance community there are two rites of passage listeners must take to be fully realized in the world.

1) Go to Ibiza. Ibiza is one of the Balearic Islands located near Spain. This region is INFAMOUS for its summer parties and string of clubs drawing the the world's elite DJs. It has been often referred to as the "center of the worldwide electronic music movement" And for those of you have listened to any live sets performed there KNOW that this is indeed a movement. It's one thing to partake an experience such as a massive at a sports arena or convention center but to just stay within a CITY so far removed from here and basking in that vibe of the music just swells me up I cannot contain myself. I was planning to take Andrea here as a graduation present but I've decided that regardless this still is very much for myself as well. I'm checking out the plans for next year and making myself a spot.

2) Go to Burning Man. Name after the burning of a wooden effigy in the event, it is a one week festival held out in the middle of nowhere in Black Rock City, Nevada which is north of Reno. This is actually more of a spiritual event (though ALL of the events I go to are spiritual for me) as it is better desribed as "an experiment in community, radical self-expression and radical self-reliance" Patrons are strongly encourage to be participants and not spectators as the areas of the festival are surrounded by art. A facet of the rave culture does exist in the festival in which not only is the music featured but more importantly the idea of the community that is mainly practiced here. If you ever need to do some serious soul-searching...THIS is it.

These are long term plans that I won't get to complete (If I get my semi-annual bonus now and have extremely good luck with accomodations I will go to Ibiza right now) until this time next year. And I'm going alone for these if I have to. So for now...I will be getting ready for my own little back to back Vanguard retreat with Paul van Dyk on Friday and Sander van Doorn on Saturday.