7/18/2007

Breaking Free...

Posted by Solace In Hunger

AAAHHHHH...I need internet radio! I'm sitting here at work right now, hungering...just DESPERATE for new music. However, corporate America here has all the radio stations blocked!!! NOOOOOOOooooo. Before it wasn't a problem as I would be able to access di.fm, Pandora and 1club.fm....but OMG....I'm going crazy for MORE MUUUSSIIIIIICCC.....

Damn, whatever happened to my sense of adventure???? About a year ago, I would have loved going somewhere random...just on impulse. Until recently it got to the point I was making excuses as to why not to go, "Baby, I'm tired", "I have this to work on", "There's this tomorrow..." When did I become an old man??? That sense was always there, but becoming comfortable just put that aside. FUCK THAT! That's not me! When did I settle! Even before Andrea, I was the one always setting up meetups..I was the one having so many friends over that I had no floor space...I was the one making plans for the group... I was the one who brought everyone together. When did I become so anti-social??? Unh-Unh...as of RIGHT NOW THIS VERY SECOND...I am declaring that whiny part of me is DEAD.

Last night, I just decided to go on a random drive. I could not get The World is Watching Me out of head and on the way home instead of turning into my gate...I just went straight to the canyon. I went to this place I used to go to near Topanga Canyon called Stunt Road, and I'll tell you it earned its name. It's a serpentine uphill climb with 10mph corners perimetered by a very small guardrail. However, with trance and the cover of night it is one of the most fun rides that you could ever partake. The road leads up to this plateau that overlooks the entire valley. You could even see the Ferris Wheel on the Santa Monica pier from there. After taking a few moments to catch a few breaths of the cool crisp air above and drove further into the canyon until I hit the Pacific Coast Highway. It was so much fun to speed down the empty road letting the beats of the music soothe the aches my head was bringing forth. Even the road itself seemed to bend itself to every synth, a tunnel emerged from every breakdown, a set of street lights would appear with every melody...

Talking to Maryanne again last night I remembered why she considers herself to be the guru of sleep. She had me do these relaxation techniques as I was lying down on the bed. I had forgotten what is what like to be able to drift away. To have that peace of mind and not worry about the little things. Neurotic as I am, I used to be one of the most laid back easygoing persons I ever knew. Somehow, I let the small things get to me and infuriate me. I'm exceptional when it comes to focus however because I end failing to see the big picture the insignificant little things just end up getting to me. It was the first good night of sleep I have had since last holding Andrea in my arms in bed.