I NEED NEW MIXSETS!!! AARRRGGGGH.

Today, I decided to take a longer route in the drive over to my sister's house. I had forgotten that I fall into my meditative states best on these drives. I missed the feel of roaming free on an open road with the windows down, wind blowing in my hair and trance music flowing with my thoughts. I feel like I am flying, drifting through the thoughts and emotions of the collective around me. It is like being in the eye of the storm. Easing down and placing myself in this center I can find my thoughts...sense my desires...focus on them and decide on what I need to do to get there. And having not meditated for a long time, I realized how much out of whack my spiritual center needs calibrating. With the drive I felt so empowered...so alive...full of energy. I have not been sleeping the for the last few days resting around 4:30am and waking up again at 7. Yet, I feel that this is the most that I have even been awake in such a long time. I started to feel hope...the light at the end of the tunnel. I have always believed that anybody can be anything that they want to be as long as they first see it in their heads, internalize that and keep it there. I've been the underdog in most of the situations in my life and I came up with a phrase to help push me through, "You can never go too far, just not far enough." Everyday is a chance to grow, a new day to experience an adventure, to make a goal, to reach a goal. I always knew that a day is something not to be wasted, but I think I'm finally starting to truly feel that now. So from now on, my goal is to write in this page every day. To do so, I will have forced myself to do something to later on have something to write about.

I have been listening so much to Mark Otten's So Serene. Yeah, it's an older song but it very much represents the state of my emotions right now. The nostalgic melody of the piano, haunting vocals and driving synth reminds me that I need to fight to keep moving forward and try to remember the past as something great and not as something that will always leave me with a painful scar. If it becomes that, then I will have never truly healed.