8/11/2007

Release...

Posted by Solace In Hunger

I'm going mad...things are affecting me more and more with everything in life. The more I try to control my thoughts and shape my focus the more I ended up losing control of it. I've been having some great realizations and some horrible ones...and the foolishness to act on all of these. This past month has seen me been the most constructive yet the most destructive I have ever been. I have gained yet risked so much. I guess this is also why it is called finding yourself right? I walk the fine line between light and dark without sensing a true conviction to make a stand...I hate being a Libra sometimes... Everything that seems so right seem so very much wrong the next. Everything is justified then loses its reason and context. I always knew but am now starting to actually feel that more than ever the world around me is surrounded by half truths. After all, what is real right? What I think is real is only my perception of the world after all... Yesterday, was the first time experiencing calm in weeks. To share the energy with a friend of the past and helping her through hard times in need. It has been the first true use of being able to use my strength to help another. This is the first time I have felt like myself in years. To be a person so energized...to be the person who had the loudest fits of laughter...to be the person who could not stop having the ideas flow...to be a person who could bring others together....She has told me that me being happy has helped her become happy. It is the first positive result I can actually see of my change and it is invigorating. And years of demons born from the silence between us over time have finally been eliminated. I have to realize she did not bring me this happiness...this peace...but she did show me that it was within myself the entire time. Now to just realize it was there and perpetuate that... Tonite is a time for release... to be in the present... to enjoy the company of friends new and old ...to be a part of something bigger...I want to give the feeling to everybody that I did to her yesterday. With recent events, I have started to get in touch with myself as to why I am really there. I feel like I want to show the world the wonders of how great the environment can be. This is time for me to embrace the light in myself and share it with the world. ...and when I come back... to bring myself back to zero and restart.