5/13/2009

Temperment...

Posted by Solace In Hunger



So, my beloved Mercedes C230 Kompressor of the past six years has started to begun to show its first signs of age. Due to an oil seep whose location has yet to be identified, electrical systems here and there are being damaged culminating in a repair bill that will wipe out both my generous bonus (by today's meek standards) and 3rd paycheck received for this month. Shit happens, yes, but when taking into account how this affects my payment schedule and its severity in keeping me from complete debt freedom it is heartbreaking.

Before this everything was going as scheduled...keeping up with my payments to have ZERO debt in next 13 months, while still having enough to get new headshots, sign up for further acting classes, cover enrollment fees in casting websites AND a wardrobe update for possible assignments. And then this hammer...adding two more months at least of living off the bare minimum... not taking my girlfriend anywhere nice... saving up for that ring ... not exploring theatres or museums... trapping myself at home if I knew it could save me just five more dollars.

But I really started to think about this... First off, at least it's just two more months and not a lifetime of debt as others have recklessly accumulated. But more importantly, as an actor I'm always going to have this struggle. Even if I did have everything paid off, should I be lucky enough to be cast in more projects and audition more I'd have to look for a lower paying job that provides more flexibility which would still bring me to this conserved lifestyle even without an already existing debt. Perhaps this is just a minor test to reaffirm myself to what I am becoming...a grounding of my likely future reality...