It's difficult to be a Libra. Even if you don't believe in astrology, I'll tell you that what's written about us fits us almost to a T. We can see both sides in an argument, everything must be balanced, give must EQUAL take (This has always brought my temper out in my relationships/friendships), and always tormented in what action to take because all decisions in involve an equal amount of pain and love. We must have our cake and eat it too and can find no true happiness with anything less. This duality touches upon a fear I've buried for quite sometime. However, it is now resurrected upon my recent reflections.

The fear is that there are no guarantees with where the world of acting will take me. Yet, I am so impassioned to it. I imagine no fulfillment in a life where I do not pursue it. I absolutely refuse to be chained to what is a "normal" life with an everyday job or career that brings me no chance of expression or creative fulfillment. I feel as if I've "sabotaged" the other paths in my life to be anything else. I don't want to be anything else.

But on the other hand, having someone by my side to share the adventures and experiences in my life and inspire me is just as important. It's a cycle of happiness and fulfillment for me in which both parts must be needed in full for balance. I would be a shell of a husband to my wife if I don't chase after my own passions and have none of those experiences and enrichments to offer her. However, at the same time I would never be happy with a life of total self-fulfillment. I need to know that actions I take are of worth to something greater than myself, like to a family of my own.

I stressed over how I would have tried to make this world come true with the one I love but I could not communicate it and had to break with her believing something much different. I must now live with the fact that closure may not come anytime soon or not at all.

The ONLY thing I have now after my loss is sole faith that I am taking actions true to myself. I KNOW that I have something in me to contribute to the world through my craft. Let's be VERY honest here, I'm a short, average-looking Asian male. In Hollywood terms, I'm not stopping traffic on any streets here. If I am to make it, it's going to be through talent, skill, ingenuity and luck. Dealing with this loss is only the beginning of the difficulties I face in carving myself a life founded upon my passions.

If there ever was a time for me to give it all it is now, for I have no one to live for but myself now.

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)