"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good." - Vaclav Havel

I have spent this past year taking care of debt brought on by some careless years during high school and indirectly from some failed relationships I have had and came near to having it all clear again. But what many don't realize is that acting is a very expensive business to be in. A lot of money is spent on marketing materials like headshots, business cards, actors slates, demo reels (acting, stunts, voice) and websites. Even more is spent on classes to nurture your craft, especially for those moments when you're not working and not drawing in any income. The result is me finding myself almost back to where I was financially all just to keep even with everybody else in the business!

You're suddenly investing more and more money in yourself. More than you've ever spent on that new gadget, video game or trip to end the year with. You become that company that goes public hoping to find others to take a chance in you as well. You become the product and try to sell yourself. You have to become your own biggest fan and support while being fully conscious that the possibility of none of it working out is fully tangible. You begin an every day relationship with failure to learn to better cope with it and let it further motivate you. You come face to face with your will and see it for what it really is. You become quicker, leaner, stronger, efficient...anything just to give you that edge. Determination and hunger for progression grows even further but at the price of your general contentment and peace. And despite facing rejection on a daily basis, feeling isolated and that the world is against you, you can't ever see yourself doing anything else.

I'm not in this town to be a star, I just want to be a working actor. I'm thankful that I still have a day job that still that pays well enough for me to make a dent in everything right now. Every time I stress about my balance sheet getting higher and higher, I think back to every project I've been on, every performance that's moved me, every working actor I've become friends with and remember every word of reassuring praise I get from working with them and remind myself I belong here.

The reward is definitely worth the risk....

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)