I haven't been able to update this at all in the past few weeks but all I have to say is this for now...

Love does have a funny way of sneaking up on you doesn't it? Especially when you're not looking for it...and especially when you don't want to find it...

Maybe it's just because I came from one of the most beautiful weddings ever this past weekend and the air of love is still around everywhere. But still to see someone in a new light who's been there all along...

Okay, no more before I get myself into trouble...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good." - Vaclav Havel

I have spent this past year taking care of debt brought on by some careless years during high school and indirectly from some failed relationships I have had and came near to having it all clear again. But what many don't realize is that acting is a very expensive business to be in. A lot of money is spent on marketing materials like headshots, business cards, actors slates, demo reels (acting, stunts, voice) and websites. Even more is spent on classes to nurture your craft, especially for those moments when you're not working and not drawing in any income. The result is me finding myself almost back to where I was financially all just to keep even with everybody else in the business!

You're suddenly investing more and more money in yourself. More than you've ever spent on that new gadget, video game or trip to end the year with. You become that company that goes public hoping to find others to take a chance in you as well. You become the product and try to sell yourself. You have to become your own biggest fan and support while being fully conscious that the possibility of none of it working out is fully tangible. You begin an every day relationship with failure to learn to better cope with it and let it further motivate you. You come face to face with your will and see it for what it really is. You become quicker, leaner, stronger, efficient...anything just to give you that edge. Determination and hunger for progression grows even further but at the price of your general contentment and peace. And despite facing rejection on a daily basis, feeling isolated and that the world is against you, you can't ever see yourself doing anything else.

I'm not in this town to be a star, I just want to be a working actor. I'm thankful that I still have a day job that still that pays well enough for me to make a dent in everything right now. Every time I stress about my balance sheet getting higher and higher, I think back to every project I've been on, every performance that's moved me, every working actor I've become friends with and remember every word of reassuring praise I get from working with them and remind myself I belong here.

The reward is definitely worth the risk....

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

"The winner is one who knows when to drop out in order to get in touch." - Marshall McLuhan

It's been about three weeks since Antigone has ended and that I've gone on my break.  Well, maybe that break lasted only for a week since I've spent the majority of that time learning Premiere and After Effects to create the New York video.  It's been a fun process and I can see why many others I know like to create videos.  However, this will all be put to the test when I help out with productions for Epic Stunts for a series of shorts we all had in mind.

I've been blessed lately to reunite with old friends from different circles the last few weeks.  It's been amazing to catch up, have fun and party with everybody and it reminds me what it is like to be me again.  I've got just one more week before I fully go back to the grind of work and the madness of more auditions and training again but for now the sun will set and with the moon comes the heavy beats and bright lights of a little event we like to call EDC...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there...  =o)

No Track of the Day again but instead I bring to you finally the New York video!

"Without Inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, they is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks." - Johann Gottfried Von Herder

And the curtain has finally drawn on Antigone. Four months of intense work for this one night and away with it I come out with a deeper understanding of my craft and with some new friends. As much as I love acting, what many people don't realize is how emotionally draining the process is. It was a struggle to establish my connection with the piece and I am ever grateful to the cast and director on helping me with through it. I thank all those who were able to make it out the show.

Well, as I now have this time of rest before the next journey as an actor at least I can spend it things that I've been neglecting for the past few months like see old friends, go out shooting or better yet... finally complete my trip video...

Now, to just deflate for the month, "default" and connect with my inspiration once again...

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

No Track of the Day, but rather a good video my friend Janet made. A Visual Expressions piece she made a few weeks ago with stills I shot around the house. Janet did an amazing job with the video and with our makeup.

Visual Expressions Clip

"The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it." - Vince Lombardi

Tonight, I saw good friends I haven't seen in a long time; friends I haven't seen since striving to reinvent myself at the beginning of this year. As some of these friends were of the old party scene they brought up the inevitable question of what event I'm going to next. Apparently, news of the retirement had not gone out to everybody. I told those who hadn't known that it was just a time for me to move on past it and take care of other things. Well, they wouldn't be my friends if they didn't have any insight...

They all stopped and one of them had asked, "Don't you feel like you're running away from things by closing off a big part of yourself in this way?" I made it back here at home, still thinking about that question. I started wonder if he was right. I never went to the events for the sake of the event but rather it was for those few times out of the year I get to spend with friends who fly across from all over and share our common musical passions with. That feeling of being lost in the music along with thousands of others with our hearts thumping in sync to the beat; looking at the faces of others and sharing what we were experiencing without even speaking to each other; yeah, that's what did it for me.

That feeling was lightly sparked when I went to New York even though I didn't recognize it then. But being here with my friends who have always been there, hearing the music that has moved me for so long...how could I turn away from this? I talked to my actor friends, those on the outside who had never gone to an event with me and even they said, "This is who you are. Don't turn your back on it." You know what?

They're right.

If I am to fully exist I will follow through with every single one of the passions I carry. The pain that I had associated with it, is only an obstacle. If I quit, then it means heartbreak has won. Dammit, I WILL NOT let it take me down. I live my life right here, right now not just for myself but for my friends who ARE here for me NOW. How have I forgotten the original reasons that brought me to the music?

So, with that I make my decision now that I am going to EDC!!!

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day:

Sia - You've Changed