The contents of my fridge...

-Two half eaten uncovered plates of pasta...
-Three cans of red bull...
-One stalk of broccoli. (They're called stalks right? Or is that only for celery?)
-My Brita water filter.

Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who has a bottomless stomach. Someone who never ever keeps and empty fridge. The appetite just isn't there...

What just happened to me? I felt so good talking again to Andrea yesterday. We laid down the beginning ground work for healing ourselves and doing it in peace. I was so optimistic!!! Everything looked as if it was brightening up. I retreated to my new friends from GS.C, to my friends of old. I felt so good to be free again....to make myself right in a way I could not when I was with her. I mean, this is the reason why we broke up! We forgot to take care of ourselves in the relationship. I was so focused on making things comfortable for her to roam free and do what she wanted to do that it backfired. The comfort I tried to give her ended up suffocating her and I became too needy. I forgot to push her to go after her goals instead letting her fall into the murkiness that was bogging her down. Instead of being the positive thing in her life, I was brought into so much of the negative side of it that I myself eventually became the problem losing her love for me. It's not like that she was the only one with problems. I lost sight of myself too. I stopped acting, my martial arts. I became so focused on her and the relationship I forgot to maintain our friendship and myself. I couldn't expect her to push me since this is her first relationship. I wanted to do and be everything to her. So this had to happen. My head says this is so (I'm an emotional follower of my heart and instinct so listening to my head takes some serious rewiring). Everything can only go up from here right?

Then waking up this morning I got a call from my parents. Once they asked me how I was, and then I had told them about the breakup. I broke into tears again... Dammit! What happened to my newfound strength? Just hours ago I felt like that things could only get better. That this wasn't the end of the world. Now, I feel like I'm back in the pain going full circle. I keep thinking, "I'm an artist...pain is supposed to be good...it helps you create...it reminds you you're alive...it helps you appreciate the good. Pain is necessary"

Okay, I feel like I have ADD now. I can only type this for several minutes at a time before being consumed again. This is already my third blog today! At this rate....I'll be in double digits before the day is over.