I think that this is what it feels like to be bipolar. One minute, I'm very happy about things that are coming up such the mini-meetup on Friday or Armin on Saturday. The next, I break into these painful bursts of tears and cannot stop the voice inside my head that says, "My baby is gone..."

I went back to work for the first time yesterday after breaking up with Andrea. I had only been at my desk for five minutes when I had turned to my side to see our picture put up on the wall beside me. This picture was taken the day before we had our first kiss (and this was her first kiss ever!). From there I could not stop the flow. Seconds after a coworker had asked me what was wrong when I had just starting bawling. And this was loud, screaming bawling...with sharp cries as if I was physically being hit. My boss and one of our vice presidents had heard me and pulled me to a separate room to see if I was okay. I was not able to tell them for the first 15 min what had happened as I could not stop crying. After regaining myself they had left me with two things

1) No more work for me for the rest of the week.

2) They advised that I should call her and see if I can salvage what I can

I went home and I decided to call her. I've never been so nervous to enter the familiar numbers of hers I've dialed infinitely before over the past two years. No answer at home. No answer on her cell. Now to check AIM and.... she just signed on!!! I had to regain my composure when I found out she had not been doing so well. I love this girl so much. My first thought was to rush by her side like a reflex. For a split second I forgot that we weren't together!!! But to mend both of our hearts, I need to be strong and start laying down the groundwork for a new chapter in our lives. It was bad enough that I lost my lover, partner, my baby but I didn't want to lose my best friend as well. I wanted us to start off on good terms....in peace.

Ack. Okay, out of time for now....more to come later on....