There was a book Maryanne had given me on Saturday called, "How to be happy, dammit! A cynic's guide to spiritual happiness". And though, it's a small, simple yet adorably cute self-help book. It did give some insights about perspective that I needed to change. More importantly, it's touched on something that I was always fascinated with...spirituality. While I do consider myself to be spiritual I do have to admit that I'm clueless as to the numerous practices that exist to keep myself centered. I have been trying to do that on my own naturally, with my observations of the world and effects of the people in my life. However, without some common practices to calibrate myself...I have been all over the place and unfortunately been twisted to the negative. To help with this, I'm going to pick up some books on Buddhism, Quantum Physics and Philosophy tomorrow. There is a simple yet basic concept that I've forgotten over the years and it is that life is constant suffering. Pain is unavoidable and it will always be there in some shape or form. However, without it we can never grow. When we are happy, we do whatever we can to keep everything the same in hopes of maintaining it. But in doing so, the world still moves on leaving us behind. The thing I need to realize is that the method of finding happiness is ever changing. In other words, you must make your own happiness every day for you will never face the same problems challenging it all the time. This is why one cannot stay dormant let their qualities become stale. And with the greater the pain, the greater the momentum I will have to bounce back and reemerge as something greater. I started to think about what I considered the "tragedies" occurring around me the past few weeks with the people around in my life. And I'm starting to see that in addition to myself....we are all beginning to pick ourselves up again. Seeing this, I feel so invigorated...the darkness in my heart is beginning to be cast away. I'm feeling stronger again. Granted, I'm still going to have my relapses and I still and always will miss her terribly to want her in my life somehow in whatever form, I'm actually now beginning to look forward to the path ahead. The journey ahead is so promising and I'm truly happy with that.