Rebuilding yourself is like learning how to walk all over again. And like auditioning, it doesn't matter how many times you have went through it. It doesn't get any easier.

Experiencing happiness or sorrow in a situation lies in the perception of the person viewing it. Whether by some moral obligation, guilt or just selfishness, a person chooses to let their life affect them they way they do regardless of their consciousness of it. This is a lesson I forgot that I had learned over two years ago. I had let the stresses of my job, the shortcomings, the lack of expected progress with my life affect the relationships of those important to me. I became angry, resentful and distant to those I wanted to be near the most. Clichéd as it sounds, making lemons out of lemonade is a behavior best adhered to at all times and never should be forgotten. Never losing sight of what and who you truly fight for was the lesson I needed to learn.

Rebuilding my life in the last few months also included the restructuring of my finances. Living in the new place, and exercising a more discriminating eye on my wallet, I've lowered my cloud of debt by half so far, began to rebuild my savings and the money once set aside for a ring and a dream that now isn't to be can now be used again to set myself free even further. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get enough from the sales of my collection to be set free from a chain holding me back for nearly a decade now. Now, it's time to really see the road ahead of me for what it is.

Where does the road take me now? I'm not sure exactly but I want to go away somewhere far. Some place that does not seem anything like here. And it must be lively, I'm not ready to be visiting any places that are serene with the calamity going on in my mind. Will I go back to Japan, to Hong Kong, or even Spain? I'm feeling that spirit that made me want to close my eyes and make that mission to the islands two years go. But even as it has been some time, I have to remember I am no longer am dreaming for two now. That moment is in the past now. That future no longer exists. The reality is that I have only myself to answer to now. I can still live the dreams and carry out the adventures in my heart, I just have to do it alone for now and save the sharing of those experiences for a later date.

One of the greatest quotes for me to relate to right now. "I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more."