Moments of self-reflection...

...something that the last few months have given me. A chance to address issues I thought I've overcome, a time to renew focus. Before this new year had begun, I knew something about it was going to bring great change for the rest of us. The pain and suffering that myself and those around me will finally bring forth it's rewards. We are becoming the phoenixes of legend.

I've started to catalog my list of items that I will be selling. My once "prized possessions" have become nothing but a burden to me over the last few years, taking my focus away from my goals and the people that mattered to me the most. And the losses I have suffered may be irreparable. Games, collectibles, DVDs, "toys"...in the end what does it really matter? How does it value when stacked against the smile of a love or a friend, an experience like a trip you could do for yourself or to pay for things you need to really go after your dream (In my case acting classes, headshots, etc). I'm keeping my tools which I can use to create...my guitars, cameras, books and with them I hope to create things that will make the world a little bit better. I won't miss my things at all. I wish this moment came to me as I once had to evacuate my house with a fire looming over. I'm hoping to finally absolve the debt that has cursed me and clouded my priorities finally live my life. This is a lesson I needed to learn...

I've also made a decision to walk away from the party scene. Perhaps, I'll come back someday to reunite with friends and reminisce but it's meaning for me has changed over the years. I'll always love the music, the artists and sticking but in recent years it changed to me from being a symbol of unity of friends...to a symbol of my unity with the one I lost. It wasn't more apparent than the last party I attended to which was the last Love Fest. Never had it seemed so empty to be there. Even among friends the connection I had wanted most was missing and gone and it's something I can never tell my friends because they are not in a place to understand yet. Perhaps it's a sign of my age, but there aren't many people that I can relate to now who are active in the scene. Everyone just seems so young to me now. I revisited my inspiration to create a my first and probably last glowsticking video and with that begins my swan song. I still plan to go to NY with my friend Andrei to see A State of Trance 450 but after I believe it is my time to walk away. There so much more I want out of life and now is that chance to grab it.

This is the first time in years I've been so creative. Ideas I've never had before have been flooding in and I've made a my room into a little studio to carry out the little projects I've been brainstorming. I've been blessed with the company of my actor friends their willingness to help create with me. I hope to have some projects put up for all to see beginning in the next few months.

With that said, it is time for me to go to work. But to all those who are in my thoughts...our time is finally now. Seize it.