2/23/2010

Egotism

Posted by Solace In Hunger

"Love doesn't die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism. Those guilty of these two crimes of the heart always hide behind excuses convenient; too ashamed, lacking in integrity and courage to face the truth. To them, it is always something other than their own actions, desires and self-importance that dictate circumstances. For these people, so blind to truth, true love can never be fully experienced for they have never really given of themselves all that they are." - Frank Salvato

Actors by nature are narcissists, but I've been rather fortunate to work with and befriend actors who are genuinely giving people. I consider these people to be my artistic family and I love them very much. A fear that I had with choosing this profession is how isolated this world can be when you're mostly around those who only lookout for themselves. Ironic since success at the very core of acting involves how deeply humans interact with one another.

Unfortunately, I have dated and fallen for some narcissists too.  Everyone loves those who project confidence but once I see that line crossed into arrogance I start to lose interest as a friend or fall out of love with them. Sometimes, the falling out has happened and I begin to mirror them not realizing this until after the relationship has passed.  Humility and empathy is something I value highly (especially coming from an Asian family) but seems to be lost upon this generation.  There is so much self-love or self-hate in those I meet that they have no room for anyone else.

I worry at times about the tightrope I walk between being self-confident and self-absorbed.  I feel that there is so much that I can do yet I know very well there are only particular times and places for it to be revealed.  It's a big conflict I struggle with while I currently learn to promote myself.  As much as acting is an art, to have a career in it means I must surrender myself to the business aspects of it and this environment is as cutthroat as it can get.  I've seen so many people used, hurt and thrown away by those who don't realize they're doing it.  Maybe, I'm more sensitive to it since that's what I've felt happen to me in my relationships the past few years.

I'm reminded of Conan O'Brien's words in his last show again, "...if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. Amazing things will happen."  It's an easier road to walk but I couldn't live with myself if I advanced myself over the backs of others.  I've known those who've broke away from others because they move onto the next best thing or go after what they feel is prematurely entitled to them.  I would not want my success to be achieved over the sacrifice of my principles.  I'm going to do this the right way.

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track Of The Day:

Air - Alone In Kyoto