2/08/2010

Lost and Found...

Posted by Solace In Hunger

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” - Galileo Galilei

I've been blessed to find my new friends in this difficult time. One of the reasons why I had to leave the party scene as much as I love the music and my friends was that there wasn't anyone who I connected with anymore. I couldn't find the joy in it and after losing the one I loved it all seemed so empty. Every new person coming in just seemed to be even younger and I just felt even more out of touch.

How fast over time it was that I became the youngest in my group of friends to being the oldest. Always was I there for my friends and helping them sort things out with advice from my own experiences gave me purpose. But I missed the comfort of having friends who were living their lives ahead of me. They were the ones who could truly understand me because they have lived through the problems I was beginning to face. They were the ones who I could go to when things became hard. Struggling to gain an identity when pursuing your dream, struggling to be financially and emotionally available to take care of the love of your life, struggling to adapt to the world when you feel changes within yourself, struggling to keep love of your life within that changing world, struggling to have that deeper fulfillment. No one from that life could truly understand the toll that it was taking on me. Not even the one who I loved so much. Perhaps everything stayed the same and I was the one who changed so much to the world. As my friends Carin and Michelle would tell me, "You're just growing up."

Never had the scene seemed so lonely, the polar opposite of the unity felt when I first came to the scene ten years ago. I have spent the last two years of my life building relationships in this world that there were hardly any friends that existed outside of it. After the break, there was no family for me to go back to. Friends from long ago have lived such different lives that they were now almost strangers to me. Even with the transitions I was experiencing I couldn't return to my old comforts. I never thought I would ever say this but I'm not much of a raver, gamer or anime geek anymore. I'm still young at heart and love these things that will always be a part of me but I just want more out of life now. Photography, dance, acting, martial arts, video production, traveling, finding a deeper meaning to my life are the things that define me now.

With these passions, it is time again to forge groups to share them with. It will be much more work on my part this time around as there isn't a GS.C type of place for each of these things. However, I'm starting to build hope again as I'm looking forward to the people I've yet to meet and the adventures I've yet to have. As my friend told me yesterday, "You might not believe it, but everybody you meet loves you." It's a promising thing to hear isn't it? I thank her in my thoughts every time I remember that.

I hope that everyone is doing well out there... =o)

Track of the Day: (It just seemed so fitting with the rain today...)

Wanda and the Colossus (EN: Shadow of the Colossus) - Demise of the Ritual